On Wednesday I go to the flower wholesaler to buy the cream roses I think I want to carry as a bouquet. I’ve ordered some ‘old’ roses as well, but they turn out to be an odd shade of white (general consensus in the office is ‘apple white’) rather than cream, so they’re a non-starter. The cream roses are lovely although they have absolutely no scent at all. Zilch. Such a pity. In a fit of ‘I can sort it’ and in my lunch hour I hit the internet and order THREE cream smelly rose bushes to be delivered before the Bank Holiday weekend. (It was two but then Jo pointed out another good one). I’m sure they’ll be lovely, although if I try to grow my own I’m into the stresses of blackspot, mildew and greenfly… No, really, I’m sure It’ll Be Fine. I can always buy unscented roses from the wholesaler… The roses are ‘Commonwealth Gold’, ‘Desert Island’ and ‘Glamis Castle’ if anyone is minded to try and find them on the internet…
Anyway, back to The Frock. The point of getting the flowers is to try The Bouquet out with The Frock. I put about a dozen roses together with some eucalyptus, tie them with ribbon and troll upstairs to put on The Frock, together with shoes, Head Thing, jewellery, etc. Fine, absolutely fine, except for The Frock which now absolutely doesn’t fit me anywhere – it’s hanging off me.
Who was it who said ‘you can never be too rich or too thin’? I don’t know about the too rich bit, but there is definitely too thin, as in SCRAWNY. When I bought it it was pleasantly snug – fitted like a glove, in fact. (See pic) I’d made some adjustments to the, er, bodice area in February to account for the fact that, although I have practically no front it manages, if unfettered, to point in completely opposite directions. So scaffolding was required. I bought one of those ‘stick on’ bra things, but turned out to be allergic to the glue…. Solution: Sew bra thing into Frock. Sorted.
Or at least it was when there was more of me to fill The Frock. Now I find if I put my arms out straight sideways and swivel, I move and The Frock stays resolutely still. OK, so the call for a bride standing with arms out sideways swivelling is not great, but it’s what sometimes passes for dancing in these parts…. I weigh myself and discover I have LOST 12LBS! How did I not notice? I am now thoroughly depressed about the scrawniness of neck, front and back (most of me, really) but manage to haul my attention back to The Bouquet. Doesn’t work – it’s too big. I take out a rose. Still too big. I take out another rose. Still too big … Eventually I am left with three cream roses, no leaves and no eucalyptus. It looks ok, but a bit like I forgot to order enough flowers. Have to have a rethink….
I buy a proper former to make a trailing bouquet. Well, actually, it’s not a proper former at all because they only come in packs of 6 and as I’m only intending to get married once that seems a bit of a waste….
So what I’ve got is a plastic dish to hold oasis (the flower stuff, not the band – I don’t think a couple of Gallaghers would improve The Frock at all) with a funny spike out the back. It’s not great, and it won’t be the final version, but it did only cost 74p…. I play around with greenery and roses and eucalyptus, and it looks much better. Phew. Now all I have to do is grow the roses… They’ve arrived and get planted. Lovely plants. Hope I don’t kill them…
Guy and I spend Sunday messing with icing for the Top Bit of the cake. Ooh, we’re SO pleased with it…. It’s a Smart car with a bride and groom in.
The groom is in top hat and tails, which Guy won’t be – but as I won’t tell him what I’m wearing we’ve just gone for ‘bride and groom’, except the bride ends up looking oddly like I will on the day…
Weight: 8 stone 6 lbs. Needs to be 9 stone 4. Am eating avocados, protein and GIN to increase calorie intake. Also swimming harder to make sure it comes back as muscle not flab.
Bruises: 9 at current count. Thankfully all on legs, which doesn’t matter so much – trying to keep my arms unbruised will be a challenge. Especially as we are putting up the marquees two days before the wedding…
Nails: Stronger, oddly. I’m buffing them daily.
Cake: 2 fruit cakes made, top piece sorted.
Unbridal moment of the week: grotty tracksuit, workboots, no make-up and lugging a bag of compost down the steps to plant the new rose bushes. I feel about as far from ‘elegant’ as it’s possible to be…
Plan for the week: Put some weight on…
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