Half a week to go (eek)!

On Monday I am still distraught about my hair.  My boss, Anne-Louise, went to Toni & Guy on Friday for her own appointment and tackled them about my horrible hair.  I am to phone Liz on Monday morning to see what she can do.  I phone at 10.00am (no, I’m not that restrained, I had a dental appointment!).  The receptionist says ‘bear with me’ and disappears, coming back on the line a little while later to say that Liz is ‘busy with a customer’ and can she phone me back. I leave my number.  At 12 she hasn’t phoned so I phone again and the process is repeated, except this time I’m told she’s very busy and won’t be able to fit in a phone call to me until about 4pm….  Great customer service or what?  So I take a long lunch and, after returning the hire tin for the top tier which we had borrowed (west of Cardiff) I go to another salon where one of the girls at work gets her excellent highlights done (east of Cardiff).  Thank goodness for little Smart cars that you can park anywhere…. I have a chat with a girl called Helen who agrees it’s horrible but is worried that any more colouring will cause it all to break off.  She gets a second opinion and they agree that they can thread more highlights through the worst bits and then give me a golden toner to make the whole thing more ‘golden’ than ‘rust’.  This Sounds Promising.

On Tuesday I return and they look after me very well – there’s a glass of wine, a cooling gel eye mask and an Indian head massage.  Very relaxing.  And at the end of it, I’m an acceptable blonde again.  I am SO relieved. She did ask ‘why did you go to a new salon just two weeks before your wedding?’ and then agreed I’d had rotten luck when she’d heard the reason…  Helen is now My New Hairdresser.

When I go to work on Wednesday everyone says I look like me again, rather than ‘Sarah with dark hair’ and I am hugely relieved.  I know it’s only hair, but it was HORRIBLE…  We don’t have anything weddingy we have to do on Tuesday evening, so I find myself making a chocolate cake to take into work, and Guy makes more chutney…  Seems neither of us can remember how to not do things for an evening!  I also write to Toni & Guy asking for my money back for the rubbish colour.  It’s £60 and that’s about 4 bottles of champagne, so keep your fingers crossed!

On Wednesday we go to IKEA for bits and bobs and then realise we don’t actually have that much to get.  But we eat there and it’s another night not doing anything weddingy!

On Thursday we make the chocolate cake for the middle tier… looking good!  We also work on the photo board (photos of me and Guy through our lives, looking remarkably similar – uncanny, really).  Some need scanning and re-sizing, and we need captions for all of the pairs of photos… hilarious looking through the old albums!  To give you an idea, this is both of us achieving the same hairstyle in 1978…

On Friday we marzipan the middle tier and make an enormous list of all the food we are serving on both Friday and Saturday so that we don’t forget to put anything out.  We’ve done that before!  Next we need to convert it into an enormous last minute shopping list…  I am absolutely knackered – I think it was all the ‘brown hair’ stress that did it (although going in to work at 7.30 for two days to paint the meeting room was probably unnecessary but I wasn’t sleeping and thought it was A Useful Thing To Do) so I head to bed very early and try to unwind…  I sleep for nearly 12 hours, so I guess I have unwound.

On Saturday, after I eventually wake up, we put another collar of marzipan on the middle tier (we find that two layers works best on sponge cakes) and then ice it with the green icing.  Almost a wedding cake!  We also finalise the photo board, check the second string of lights, buy disposable cameras for the big party and write ourselves Lists of Things To Do for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday…  It’s a glorious sunny day so I also top up the tan and we have a lovely dunk in the pool too…  unwinding nicely!

On Sunday we FINISH the wedding cake.  It’s not perfect if you really stare at it, but it’s very ‘us’ and we’re hugely pleased with it.  It’s a lousy photo because it’s indoors but the thing weighs a ton and we weren’t risking carrying it outside unnecessarily!

Guy and I are keeping with one tradition and not seeing each other before the ceremony so I’ll have to lug it outside to the marquee on Friday morning so that all our guests can see it while they eat their lunch.  We have booked Simon (Karen’s son) to sit in the marquee while we’re off getting married and make sure the squirrels don’t eat it….

We also make sure that the two cartoons fit the gate (they do) and … well, that’s about it.  We’re pretty ready, really!

Weight: Who knows?  With all the scaffolding the dress now fits, and that’s what matters.  However, it does mean that I won’t be having one of those ‘showing off the lacy underwear’ photographs…. What with the major construction work on the top half and the Bridget Jones knickers on the bottom half, it’s not something to be viewed by ANYONE!

Bruises: Cracker on my right knee where I clobbered a bistro table when my bosses took me out for a drink last Thursday.  Since it’s hot and I’m wearing shorts, Guy has seen it, and I’ve managed to convince him it’s got to go by Friday or it’s going to be on show.  Poor chap – he now thinks the dress is red, spotted, shows off cleavage (what cleavage?) and above my knees….

Hair:   Blonde again!  Phew, phew and PHEW.

Nails:  I am still managing to hang on to the broken one, thanks to Boots Superglue.  I have had it professionally mended twice, and both times it lasted less than 48 hours.  So now I mend it myself on an almost daily basis.  The rest of them are looking lovely, but there are still two marquees to put up…

Cake:  It’s finished!  It’s a little, er, wonky in places and I don’t think we’ll be taking it up professionally, but as it’s cost us about £80 instead of £600+ and we’ve had huge fun making it and it’s completely original, we’ve VERY happy with it!  However, we did decide not to use the two cats, black dog, melodeons, guitars and power tools that we had made to go round the bottom.  They’ll come in very handy when we are making a cake for someone with the same interests as us…

Roses:  There might be two I can use, otherwise zippo.  But it was fun trying, and I’ve got three new rose bushes!

Wrinkles: Plenty of wrinkles, and the Eyessential hasn’t yet appeared on Ebay because I couldn’t get the listing thingy to work… but I will do it eventually.  Not before the wedding though!

Unbridal moment of the week: Washing out dustbins.  We’ll need them for bottles, cans and rubbish at the weekend – there’s going to be a whole bin/recycling area going on.  Nice job!

Plan for the week: Test new lawnmowers tomorrow (mine broke last week – timing, eh?), clean house, clean cars, put up marquees, collect flowers, collect ordered food, arrange flowers, do last minute food shopping, make salads, cook beef, slice beef and hams, do nails again, get married.  Easy peasy or what?

And because you asked:

Something Old: My pearl earrings.  Only from Argos years ago, but they’re exactly the right size.  I am now living in fear of dropping one of them down the sink and having to hurtle into Argos in the full gear on Friday morning…  maybe I won’t wear them this week!

Something New: My shoes!  I have been longing to wear them since I got them, and I absolutely haven’t.  I guess the ‘boobs in a box’ are new too, but there’s not so many people I can tell about them!

Something Borrowed: Pearls from Jenny (Karen’s daughter) in my tiara.  She had an old string that needs re-stringing, so I have borrowed some for my tiara (ok, headband) and will have them re-strung for her afterwards…

Something Blue: I didn’t really want any blue, but it’s tradition and all that, so I am sewing one tiny blue glass bead onto the dress.  I went to Karen’s one evening in about February and we raided her bead box and found the most perfect little bead.  Which we then promptly dropped on the carpet…  We never did find it again, so I now have the second most perfect little bead.  I haven’t actually sewn it on yet… maybe I’ll do it Thursday evening when I’m restless!

And that’s about it!  At some stage I guess there will be a ‘how it all went and some photos’ diary entry, but it won’t necessarily be next Sunday/Monday!  Apart from the wedding on Friday and the party on Saturday, we’re doing brunch on Sunday for anybody who’s still standing….  I think by Sunday evening we might just be sitting in a heap!

1.5 weeks to go

We've decided to have the houses valued... we have no intention of moving, but I bumped into the local mercenary estate agent recently and he had heard we were getting married. Making the rather obvious leap from 'getting married' to 'living in the same house' he offered to value the houses. I swear he had £ signs in front of his eyes... Anyway, it seemed a shame to turn him down, and it's always nice to know what your house is worth... so he's coming on Wednesday! So my first job after work on Monday is to repaint the bit of wall next to Guy's front door where Blunkett sticks her paws - it's a really grotty colour, and doesn't take long to cheer up at all.

Then it's home again to cut more of the long grass down - it's hiding the beautiful tall yellow wild flowers. It looks lovely when it's done.

It's only when I finish and stand back to admire my handiwork that it dawns on me that a marquee will be smack in front of that bit. So the flowers won't show for the wedding.  Hey ho.

I also housework, water, deadhead roses and generally tidy up - and all this on the hottest night of the year. But I do have the most glorious dunk in the pool afterwards - bliss!

On Tuesday we make the last four quiches (broccoli and stilton). That's 19 in the freezers now, and we're all quiched out. We're slightly demob happy and then I go whizzing off to see Anna to help me apply Velcro to the back of The Frock. She very kindly doesn't laugh at the scaffolding, and says The Frock looks lovely.... She works magic with pins and then feeds me as well - lovely!

The estate agent duly comes round on Wednesday. The last time he saw my house it was thoroughly overgrown, had no kitchen, was mostly painted blue and had a grey bathroom. It's now neat and tidy, the garden is under control and it has a swimming pool....  Actually the agent is HUGELY impressed by the pool – been thinking of putting one in for years etc etc. The valuation is fantastic - I have tripled my investment in 7 years!  Guy's cottage has more than doubled in value too – the agent tells us what percentage he charges and how good he is and it’s hard not to scream ‘WE’RE NOT SELLING’ but we manage…

On Thursday it’s Hair Day and I am SOOOO excited.  I have booked the afternoon off work to pamper myself, so I go to the party shop for more cutlery and paper tablecloth, the florist supplies shop for more ribbon to make bows and the cake supplies shop for marzipan, icing, boards and bits to finish the wedding cake,  I buy local red wine in town for the Friday do and I have my engagement ring polished.  And then it’s off to the hairdresser…   The cutting person says she’s going to take an inch off all over.  I say that’s too much.  She says ‘Trust me!’  The colouring person shows me the colour she will use.  I say it’s too dark.  She says ‘Trust me!’  I trust them and spend an agonising two and a half hours before discovering my hair is brown and short, just as I had feared.  I am VERY upset but say nothing as I just want to go home.  Well, you don’t, do you?  I had a nasty feeling it wasn’t going well….  So now instead of being golden and gentle on the day, my hair will be brown and spiky.  Here are the photos, bearing in mind the ‘before’ shot was taken with my horrible two tone hair and when I’d just woken up…

Before:

After:

Can you spot the difference between the two?  A hint: the ‘after’ hair is shorter, and £115 more expensive. Also note the tense set of the jaw in the ‘after’ picture…  Toni & Guy Cardiff: avoid like the plague.  I text Guy who walks down to comfort me.  He kindly says it looks thicker, but it is darker than he’s seen me with before.  We agree I’m meant to be blonde…  I take to drink.

On Friday night we make the top tier of the wedding cake – Madeira, and we also hunt through all the old photo albums to pick out photos of the two of us at comparable stages in our lives… hilarious!  Guy used to have HAIR.  He says he used to be able to tuck it under his arms.  Probably best I didn’t know him then!!

On Saturday morning we marzipan all three cakes we have so far – that’s the bottom tier fruit cake, the top tier Madeira cake and the Friday cutting cake.  We’re making the middle tier (chocolate cake) next weekend.  In the afternoon Guy’s playing at a folk festival in Chepstow so I go along with Blunkett to watch.  I meet lots of friends who, without exception, say ‘You’ve had your hair done!’  followed by ‘It’s darker!’  followed after a slight pause by ‘Oh but it’s nice really’.  I hate it more than ever.

On Sunday I buy hair colourant in Asda and get to work.  By the time I’m finished I have blonde streaks.  Better.  Still not what I wanted, and I’m still furious – I’m going to have to have it redone…  We also make cream ready to roll icing into pale green icing (4kg of it – it takes two of us together to knead it!) and we ice all three cakes.  It’s beginning to look like a wedding cake!!

We also watch the men’s tennis final on Sunday afternoon while making ribbon bows.  We hang them off beams in the kitchen… thank goodness it’s only for a week and a half!

Hair:   It’s brown and I hate it.  I’m going to have to have it recoloured by another horrible hairdresser.  I’m NOT going back to Toni & Guy as the girl there clearly doesn’t understand English – what part of ‘light brown with honey blonde highlights’ didn’t she get?  Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Nails:  I have had the smashed nail mended professionally with a fibreglass wrap.  Looks completely natural!  Done on Friday – lasts till Sunday.  Will have to get it repaired again tomorrow…

Cake:  Three cakes made, marzipanned and ICED!  Decorating them is next weekend’s job!  We’re VERY pleased with it (so far)…

Roses:  I doubt if any of them will actually be in flower a week on Friday, but it’s been fun trying!

Unbridal moment of the week:  The hair.  You know when you have a ‘bad hair day’?  Well, I’ve had 6 weeks of it being horrible, and now I’m actually wishing it was back where it was.  Yep, it’s that bad.

2.5 weeks to go

On Monday we visit Debbie to finalise the food for the Saturday wedding party – we’re aiming to cater for 200 and Debbie is doing almost all of it, apart from our 20 quiches!  She’s getting the hang of the quantities now – we’re working on ‘a mixing bowl’ of each salad for each tent.  Feels about right for us!  And the tiramisu is going to be ‘about this big’ which is nicely specific too…  Mum comes with us to look at Debbie’s garden to re-plan it.  We’ve bartered Debbie doing the catering for us doing her garden – we buy food and she cooks, she buys plants and we garden, everyone’s happy!

Guy has practice on Tuesday so I make the cake stand.  Or paint it, at any rate.  We didn’t think one of those glitzy silver stands would look quite right with our slightly funky cake, so we’re painting a circle of chipboard and we’ll raise it slightly off the table and fill the gap with remaining waistcoat fabric.  Yes, I know – sounds rubbish.  It’ll look lovely, trust me!

On Wednesday I have a serious go at the underwear for The Frock before we go to the cinema.  I finally manage to fill out The Frock by wearing two padded bras and some extra padding.  Only one problem – anyone hugging me is likely to bounce off to a range of about ten yards…  I think I may need to head for an underwear shop to find a serious padded bra and some chicken fillets…

We also have decided to have a night off from arrangements and go to the cinema for Guy’s birthday.  His birthday was four weeks ago, but we’ve been busy…  The plan is to go to the 9.45pm showing of X Men 3 (or whatever it’s called) and eat before at the restaurant near the cinema.  The plan works fine until we get to the restaurant at about 7.50 – the manager tells us none of her staff have arrived and we would have to wait over an hour to be seated.  We leave and head for a pub in the country.  Which we miss by taking a wrong turn… all the pubs we pass look a bit grim until we’ve driven nearly a full ten mile circle and finally stop.  This pub is busy too – there’s over an hour’s wait for food and by now it is 8.10…  We abandon the idea of trying to find a pub and head for the 24 hour Tesco instead – at least it has a café!  Which closed at 6pm.   In desperation we raid the shelves instead.  We buy bread, cheese, garlic marinaded olives, smoked salmon, ham, small vine tomatoes, cherries (dessert!) and wine.  Together with cheap wine glasses and little parasols on cocktail sticks to spear the olives with – well, it is a party!  We park at the far end of the car park in my little Smart and have a picnic!  It’s a fab evening – good company, excellent music on the stereo, eating al fresco (windows open) and spitting cherry stones straight onto the grass verge.  We play ‘car I-Spy’ (pick a colour and count cars in the car park – I won with 7 red against Guy’s 3 green) and stare back at the shoppers staring at us…  And later the film is excellent – good birthday all round!

On Thursday we hurtle off to Bristol to meet Caroline at Costco to see how fabulously cheap food can be.  The Grand Plan was always to visit the last day before the wedding but before we arrive we decide all we actually need is profiteroles and salad – long way to Bristol for just that!  We’ll buy the salad locally, and if we ask nicely Caroline can get the profiteroles for us nearer the time and bring them with her on the Friday for the Saturday.  Organised or what?  We get to Costco and find it is utterly brilliant – huge salads in bags, cream by the litre, fabulous cheeses and fruit, excellent wines – we join up and will definitely be visiting the day before the wedding for all the things we need…  See, we can be flexible and change things…  Guy’s photo on his membership card is ghastly, and mine is worse… they have the camera pointing too high so my face only just makes it into shot.  I look like a hobbit.

On Friday I whizz to M&S after work to have another crack at the underwear, and this time I get it sorted thanks to boobs in a box and a bra two cup sizes too big.  Looks fab and not a bit like Jordan really…  This, at last, makes the dress fit.  Phew!  Then I go to see Joy (Guy’s mum) to collect photo albums – we are doing a photo board of how similar Guy and I are and as we’re going through the albums it strikes me just how similar we are.  This Is Good.  Joy kindly feeds and waters me – it’s a nice girlie evening!

At the weekend (the hottest this year by far) we do nice easy jobs like making more quiches, cutting the long grass, repainting the garden walls and mowing grass…. But we do have the odd dunk in the pool to cool us off!

The Frock: It fits!  Well, it fits the new ‘me’, anyway!  All I have to do now is add Velcro to keep the scaffolding in place and turn the odd bit of droopy hem up at the front – I think it’s so you can stand still and look ‘draped’ but I just know I’m going to trip over it…

Hair:   It’s now too long, too two-toned and too out of control.  Hair cut and colour on Thursday – just in the nick of time!

Nails:  I broke one!  I think it was doing something pretty violent like … er … getting dressed.  I glued it back together and also managed to spectacularly glue two of my other fingers together….  Considered leaving them glued together but two hands stuck together is not good for a typist… It took a lot of prising apart and for a while I thought I was going to lose all the skin on each finger.

Roses:  Desert Island is now flowering – pretty little rose, yellowish when in bud, opens to a nice cream.  Again, absolutely no scent…  So, I’ve got one the right colour but no scent, one yellow not cream and no scent and one with good scent which is pink not cream.  Hmm…  If any of them are in flower for the wedding I shall use them, but the smell (which was the whole point of growing them) is not overwhelming!  Shame…

Wrinkles: I spent nearly TWO HOURS trying to list the Eyesential on Ebay and then gave up…. Anyone wanna buy it?

Unbridal moment of the week: Painting the floor of the outside loo.  Still, the good news is that I met Kevin The Teenage Toad for the first time this year – he’d got himself stuck (again).  It’s a long story!

Plan for the week: Haircut and making the madeira cake, probably some marzipanning oh my goodness, it’s getting CLOSE!!!