I put the new cut out Sarah next to the already completed Guy and they look really good together. But I have to take ‘Guy’ back to the kitchen as his eyes rather spookily follow me round the sitting room….
I have a great new routine in the mornings to help my hair recover. I sling my breakfast (bacon and tomatoes) in the Aga, go for a swim (350 strokes providing I’ve put the ‘cool shelf’ in to slow breakfast down, 200 if not), then rinse the chemicals out of my hair under the OUTSIDE tap (still bloody cold), get breakfast out of the oven, pour evaporated milk on hair, wrap in towel (geez, that stuff wrecks towels!) and eat breakfast. I look very sexy.
Then I rinse my hair while I shower, shampoo it, and leave conditioner on for 2 minutes while I brush my teeth, still under the shower. Yes, it is an electric toothbrush – it seems to be fine… and my hair is in MUCH better condition.
On Wednesday we go to IKEA to Buy Things for the wedding and party. Like candles. It’s a well known fact that when you go to IKEA you have to buy candles…. We have supper there and then HURTLE round the shop… Guy is still in ‘work’ mode so we hurtle. We buy candles and napkins and candles and serving plates and candles and a paper lampshade that looks like a football only really that's to do with the World Cup sweepstake at work so it’s not connected to the wedding. And more candles.
On Thursday the trains do their best to stop me but I manage to get my hair cut! Slightly nervewracking but exciting. Excellent cut! Although Christina (my new haircutter) took about half an inch off all the straggly bits, it doesn’t look any shorter. And it’s a very nice shape. She ‘blunt cut’ it (like I know what that means) to make it stronger, and will do it feathery next time. I buy yet more hair products to make it look good. I could open a shop soon…
I get a great present from Vincent on Saturday – swimming caps! And all in different colours…. Red, blue, green and yellow. This will help protect my hair more, and I’ll look fabulous whilst swimming too…
On Sunday, prompted by a piece on the radio, I ask Guy if he thinks we should have a pre-nuptial agreement. He says no, but I point out that my house is worth more so I have more to lose. He says he has musical instruments (lots) and that if we split up I would get half of those. I remember I have a chain saw, so it really could be ‘half’ of each instrument…. Guy sees the glint in my eye and promises never to divorce me… or make me cross…. or unhappy… Sensible chap.
Weight: Still resolutely stuck at 8 stone 8lbs. This week there will be a concerted effort to eat more protein and more avocados. Or take the dress in.
Hair: Its been cut! Appointment booked for 2 weeks before the wedding for the final cut and COLOUR! Now very two-tone as the roots grow out. Ugh.
Nails: My left thumb nail is very short because I sliced through it with the vegetable knife when chopping a courgette… To all those of you coming to the wedding party, don’t panic – I shall wear rubber gloves when doing the food! That way you’ll be able to see the chopped fingernail in the salads because it will be covered in a piece of bright pink rubber glove…
Roses: I’ve now got NINE buds!! Endless rain again this week so once we get some sunshine they’re really going to grow. If we ever get any sunshine…
Bruises: No bruises, but I dropped a file at work and the treasury tag sticking out made a fab cut across my existing cat scars. What a mess. I’ll have to just lie in a dark room for a week before the wedding – the chances of avoiding bruises/cuts/broken nails is NIL!
Wrinkles: Because of the weight loss my face has deflated and I look wrinkly when I smile. I am planning to do a lot of smiling on our wedding day. I have ordered some Eyessential which apparently models use to tighten wrinkles. I could have used Preparation H which apparently does the same thing, but couldn’t face getting married with haemorrhoid cream on my face….
Tip of the Week: When putting on a latex swim cap, try to let go at the crucial moment so you can really thwack yourselves in both eyes at the same time. Excellent for temporary double vision!
Unbridal moment of the week: Chainsawing fallen trees on Sunday afternoon. It is surely NOT ladylike to be able to lug a 12 foot length of tree on one’s own? Sadly I am very able to toss them around like matchsticks….
Grand Plan: The swim caps are so damned fabulous that I have a Cunning New Plan. I can wear the yellow one on The Big Day – with my headband thing. No more hair worries! AND the added bonus of it being so tight it completely gets rid of all my wrinkles! How cool is that?!
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